Friday, 21 December 2007

Starting Point

Okay, so where do I begin? I suppose a explanation of this blog is in order...

This is for a little bit of self cleansing. The things I post here aren't really, I suppose this is for when I'm feeling low and need to get the horrible things off my chest. Well here goes the first post.

Well, without meaning to start on such a bum note, I feel crap today. I'm most likely going insane...Finding that myself is my only company. Yep, thats it! Talking to myself because no one else would. Family doesn't help its just tempoary...Everything is just tempoary in a sense. You cant tell family what you'd tell your friends, and you cant tell friends what you tell your family, so what's the point? The only person you can really confide in is yourself in my opinion. I don't really expect anyone to read this, but I suppose we all need to vent a little dont we. I just wish sometimes that I could just have someone, anyone as a matter of fact, who I can just have. To talk to, but not them talk back or give advice. I suppose thats a way of saying I dont need help with my problems, but I just want to sort them out on my own. You can only learn though your own mistakes.

What I was saying about wanting someone, I found myself crying in my bed a few nights back asking the being you watches over us (supposedly) and it's silly, I don't even believe in God or anything that is a higher force than us humans. But I found myself almost begging for someone just for me, yet again I say anyone, black, white, male or female...anyone. I suppose it is rather pathetic of me to cry about it but yes, I am lonely. I know people who cry about relationships, I cant sympathise because I want something like that. I WANT someone to love and to be loved back...but no, thats too good for me. I'm just a withering soul with no one to care for me.

I can say yes, I was in love with someone, but they certainly dont love me back. I never said anything or put my theory forward of course because it's silly, they wouldn't love me. I don't even know if it was love, quite possibly it could have just have been desire, which isn't the same as love, is it? I don't know how all this will look when I hit the "publish post" button, but I need this. It's helping...somewhat.

It's nice to finally have somewhere to vent my feelings, I know I couldn't write it in a diary, it would most probably be read. Now I'm drawing to a close, emotionally, mentally and with this post. I'll finish with this though. When I do Ifind my someone, I'll do whatever it takes to keep them.